Quiet Colors

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I don’t think I have ever taken this long of a break from communicating with my sister before.

And I just want to say first of all that I love my sister. She is weird af to my brain and there’s trauma stuff and blah blah blah normal “I grew up with crappy parents” stuff. Nothing new to anybody’s eyes.

But hooooooooly crap.

I feel like my colors are returning to my brain. 

And, again, my sister kept telling me to do this. “If I’m hurting you, then STOP TALKING TO ME, good god.” Because she cares about me a lot.

It’s just…nice. And I feel really optimistic about us being able to Actually Communicate again with her someday.

We’ve also been letting alters handle more varied situations. 

Because for a while – for many years, in fact – we put the more task-oriented alters in front to deal with human relations. Trying to keep the artists and dreamers from splitting all to heck. Because our environment was NOT good for those ones. And sometimes…there are too many people putting you down in your general vicinity for you to be able to fight anymore. So autopilot it was.

Everybody in here hates autopilot. Even the alters who volunteer for it. Being nothing is exhausting.

But today I feel…not depressed. And not in a “inject yourself with static as a numbing agent” way. Just a “me” way.

It’s weird.

It’s nice.

-V

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