Idk, title says all? It starts to happen and immediately my stomach goes HEY NOW HOLD ON THERE and I’m all stressed not knowing what’s gonna happen while I’m gone. Sometimes if we’re in a nice place like outside on a good day, it’s not so bad. But driving? Cooking?? Let me focus please???
One time a few years ago (while on a medication that made everything worse), I (we) apparently worked 2 weeks I have no recollection of, at a job I hated so much I walked out mid-shift. I could not tell you a single thing that happened during that timeframe. By the time I was aware of how long I’d had the job, my hair had changed color like 3 times and apparently I “talked A LOT” according to my friends. Like I know it happened but I wasn’t present for it.
I still mess up the I and We thing, I think I’ll probably do it forever. There are worse mistakes to make ig. Oh my god I got so off topic.
The point being that when I don’t have a solid grasp on what exactly is going on around me, it almost stresses me out as much as the thing I’m dissociating to get away from. That’s all. Lmao
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I am all too familiar with the “I get anxious when dissociating, then dissociate more because of extreme anxiety” problem. 😛 Early in our journey, I actually “blinked” once and found I now lived in a different apartment in a different town. Like, WTF. I used to live in fear of that kind of stuff.
Yeah, used to. We’ve gotten a lot better as a team and don’t do major stuff like that without warning. We’re still working on it, but there IS a sense of responsibility towards each other these days.
Still, there are days when I have to find a place to pull over, because I start to dissociate heavily while driving. I honestly think its less dangerous for another part to be in full control and driving, then for us to be driving in some kind of “in between” twilight. So instead of fighting the dissociation, I’ve learned to just pull over and surrender to it. That sounds easy, but it’s really hard. All my instincts are to fight and claw to hold on, not to step back and trust that everything will be OK, because my teammates have my back. But they do. It just took us a few decades to get there. 😉
I hear you. I recently had to take a longer drive and I was on the interstate the whole time.. i.e. car move fast. So I was considering pulling over but there wasn’t really a good place. We do our best lol /gen