Recreating childhood experiences I never had

I made bracelets recently that I like a lot. It’s fun putting them together and (I film myself making them and it gets a lot of views where I post them). Sometimes they’re alter-inspired and sometimes not.

Putting them together and wearing them and getting to hold and keep them. That’s an experience I didn’t have as a kid. My stuff would always get broken, thrown away, or tossed into the moldy basement as punishment for being  apparently an evil child. I know how it all transpired, but anyway doing these things I enjoy now and being allowed, entitled even, to keep those things and enjoy them and value them, is huge for us.

I think there is at least one little in our system. I cant access them 99% of the time but occasionally they’ll co-front with me and I can feel their presence. It’s an odd feeling and I’m not sure how to reach them but I hope they know I’m here for them.

Anyway, the ones I just made were rainbow beads with an iridescent finish, they’re these big chunky vintage beads, this style appeals to multiple system members, especially the potential little. I look at the cool things I’ve made and I go “yeah this is awesome why wasn’t I doing this the whole time”. Well, I know why, but it fills me with an almost indescribable emotion. It’s like I connected with myself or found a hidden treasure just for me.

Related to this, last night I painted for 4ish hours. It was a mental image of being about 4-8 yrs old and looking out the window at night to see the street lights behind my neighbor’s house reflecting off the power lines, which looked like shooting stars or planes or something to me. I couldn’t see the power lines in the dark, so the little light they reflected really looked like a mystery sky object, and I only realized later that they weren’t moving and thus weren’t planes. I also looked into the neighbor’s window often and there was something that I now think was a salt and pepper shaker set, but as a kid I thought it was a ceramic bird. 

I painted that scene, window, bird, shooting star, and all. It came out actually pretty accurate. But more than that, it reminded me of how significant small things can be, and whatever inner child it is that found comfort in something like an orange street light reflecting off electrical wiring, is pleased with the painting as well.

Weird how that works.

I also repurchased some games I loved as a kid but unfortunately gave away after my game console was stolen, and that has also helped me a lot as I love these games and they run poorly on emulator 

That’s all 🙂