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I can relate.
Sometimes I schedule it into my phone’s calendar as a reminder to “consider” trying to do something, and I’ll set it to repeat was often as I want.
Just to put it in my mind’s eye a bit more, and as an exercise to challenge my avoidant behaviour, using some DBT and CBT skills.
Even just try visit a forum, not necessarily committing to commenting or posting.
Unsure if something like that could be of help.
I wish you luck in finding and learning to sustain a sense of safe connection.
