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  • Flusterette

    Member
    July 22, 2023 at 1:56 pm
    Level 5: Froglet

    Tarot sounds like a good idea. Hopefully it offers some guidance.

    Hmmm, if Maxi fused, I can understand it feeling a little wrong to use their Shadowbook. But I can also appreciate why it might wind up feeling a bit “so right.” In your own time, you’ll decide what feels right.

    It’s okay to feel conflicted, too.

    Nothing is straight-up easy with fusions; often things are bitter-sweet, and that’s just the nature of life. I think sometimes that emotions are double-edged swords like that; can’t have the good without the bad, and navigating the grey-zone (and developing skills to make peace with it) is what really feeling is all about. Which sucks sometimes, but that’s the price of the whole package; life isn’t all good all the time, and healing involves making peace with the true natural spectrum of emotional range. At least, that’s been my lesson to learn, after stuffing away emotions for decades.

    Sometimes, what feels uncomfortable is what we need to get comfortable with. But obviously: sometimes definitely that is NOT the case at all! lol! That all being said: there’s no sense rushing what doesn’t feel right.

    Hopefully some Tarot will help with honing into your intuition.

    It’s exactly like having to learn yourself all over again, and that’s difficult for anyone to wrap their head around enough without even having to live through it themselves. Let alone that each time is a little different. And that it’s hard to even come close to comparing between individuals. But: I feel you.

    It feels strange to me that it’s hard to learn one’s self; it seems it should be straight-forward to be “of one’s past selves,” but to become a new self is a bit like how a child is of their parents and raised by them –yet a complete different individual. Anything remotely like that going on inside of you is powerful stuff, and all I can say is: it does get easier.

    Hang in there. It just takes time.

    I’ve found that at first, it’s really discombobulating. But that after enough time and fusions, subsequent fusions are eventually like “a few more drops in the bucket” — it’s a change, but easier to ride out the adjustment. But that’s just speaking for me, and I think I ‘only’ have/had OSDD.

    I don’t get too many memories now, but I empathize. I am getting a lot of emotional flashbacks, though. Freaking movies and tv shows bringing me to tears, and trying to healthily accept and manage complex emotions when I want to just stuff them away is proving to be a heck of a learning curve. I had to turn down plans today because of just being too emotionally triggered and volatile.

    Be kind to yourself, and don’t be afraid to be protective or have boundaries about being social etc. You may just want/need time to yourself some days. Routines are good, if you can manage them. But honour your needs: you’re going through a big thing.

    *Big hug vibes*

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