Dealing With Drama
How to Set and Maintain Boundaries
A boundary is a guideline or rule you set with another person to determine appropriate and safe ways for them to interact and behave with you, and how you will respond if they cross the line.
The last part of that definition is very important and something that people often forget: how you will respond if they cross the line.
Your boundaries come with some responsibility to maintain them – if someone breaks your boundaries, they should have been made aware of what will happen, and you should follow through to maintain them. It can be very hard, but it’s an integral part of self-preservation.
Some examples of ineffective and effective boundaries:
- Ineffective/Not a boundary: You cannot speak to me in that tone.
- Effective/A boundary: If you keep speaking to me like that I’m going to leave the room.
- Ineffective/Not a boundary: You cannot call me after business hours.
- Effective/A boundary: I will not answer my phone after 5pm.
Boundaries are not about controlling others, they are about protecting your own space and taking control of yourself.
Time and Space Truly Do Heal All Wounds
Getting involved in something dramatic can feel like the most important thing in the world. In reality, 99 times out of 100, if you walk away and give it time, you’ll stop caring after a while. You’ll forget why you cared in the first place, and you’ll be able to focus on other more important things, get healthier, and move on. In the meantime, do what you can to find distractions, focus your energy elsewhere, and remember that the sooner you can let go of your attachment to the situation, the sooner it won’t drag you down and be all-consuming. Time will allow you to stop caring, or at least caring as much, no matter how impossible that feels.
Step away for a day (or even an hour). If you react in the moment, you’ll often say or do things you’ll regret later. Please step away from the situation and return to it later. After you’ve done other things and gotten your mind off it, you can come back to it with a fresh perspective. When you come back, you can decide if your first instinct was the one you’d like to continue with, or if you’d like to proceed in a different way.
Take Time For Self Care
Take time away from whatever is going on to take care of yourself. Focus on things that bring you joy, relaxation, and peace of mind. These can be hobbies, exercises, meditations, or spending time with supportive people and discussing things other than the drama.
Seek Support
Be sure to reach out to your support system. Surround yourself with people who understand you – family, friends, and/or trusted professionals. Talk to them and consider their advice and guidance.
Avoid Gossip
Gossip often just escalates the drama and causes more stress. Try to refrain from talking about others unless you are processing with your support system how a situation or person made you feel or trying to solve a problem. If it’s not productive and feels like gossip, it’s probably not helpful and will probably only cause harm.
Remember Priorities and What Really Matters
This is especially relevant to community-based social media gossip and drama. DID is a disorder resulting from childhood trauma. This trauma is most often abuse at the hands of adults. These are incredibly, seriously, horribly serious issues and so much deeper than a “he said, she said” online gossip war, no matter how important that may feel in the moment. Once you recontextualize that in your mind, it can make it much easier to step away from the drama and let other people continue if they want to, but to disengage and focus on yourself and what is important to you.
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