Talking About Confusing & Strange Experiences
Emotional Bleed-through
Emotional bleed-through is very disturbing when you experience it. Before you know what it is and why it’s happening, it can make you feel that all these terrible things are true – that you really are “crazy” – that there’s something terribly wrong with you. Really, it’s a very simple thing. That doesn’t make it feel any less strange when it happens, but understanding the logic can help a lot.
Emotional bleed-through occurs when an alter is feeling strong emotions internally that are bleeding through and affecting the fronting alter. The fronting alter is not personally attached to these emotions, and they are not necessarily “feeling” these emotions themselves, but they may still be sobbing uncontrollably – which is an incredibly strange juxtaposition and can easily make someone feel very unstable when they feel perfectly calm but are choking and sobbing.
Personal Experience:
She was on the floor crying, hyperventilating, hurting with a full blown panic attack. I somehow knew it was my body, and there was no third person view, I was just stuck in a body that I couldn’t feel, having feelings I couldn’t feel. It was surreal to not feel any emotional overlap at all, just my own personal feeling of feeling bad for her. I couldn’t see what she was seeing or tell what was causing any of it, but the panic attack she was having, I wasn’t having while currently present and conscious in her mind. It made me feel so detached from myself. I felt nothing of her pain, but I was her all at the same time. — EJK
When Alters Are Still Grieving the Loss of Someone You’ve Moved On From
It can be incredibly difficult when you are trying to move on from someone, or are getting away from someone who was unhealthy, or – especially – getting away from someone who was abusive, and someone in your system still sees them as someone they love or miss. Alters can be in denial for a long time about people who have been unhealthy or abusive, and can take their own time to heal, move on, and grieve. Unfortunately, this, coupled with emotional bleed-through, can make you feel stuck in the past and tied down in many ways, dragging other people down with you. Just remember that you’re on your own journey, making your own progress, and your successes are your own. All you can do is support your alters when you can, but take care of your body and yourself first and foremost.
Alters, Sickness and Pain
People with DID and OSDD may find that alters are switching in more often or that you’re more ‘blurry’ or ‘blendy’ when you’re not feeling well. This isn’t uncommon for people with these disorders. Not only may different alters be able to take on different discomforts to help you through a difficult time, but you may also naturally dissociate from the pain or discomfort, and this may lower some barriers for others to come forward without you noticing. If alters switching in without your knowledge or becoming co-con or blendy is something that frightens you (as it does for many), rest assured that most of the time when you’ve been sick or in pain, someone has been around or switched in to help and alleviate the discomfort. Of course, this won’t always be the case, but it’s helpful to remember that at the end of the day, your alters are all here to help you survive and get through each day. While it’s very understandable to be afraid of your alters and of switches happening without your knowledge, hopefully you can take comfort in knowing that they were probably there to help, and perhaps in the future, when you feel better and have more energy, you can work on communication to reduce those fears.
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