• Legal Names

    Posted by saoirse.t-e-c on December 22, 2022 at 4:00 pm

    I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this in the other name thread or not, but what are people’s experiences and feelings around their legal names? For me its kind of awkward, because we have someone in the system who goes by our legal name… and its not me. 😛 I’ve been half tempted to legally change our name to at least insert my first name in there, but legal name changes are a pain (we did one when we transitioned). Then there are the problems that I have a professional reputation under our current legal name (which has always felt very unfair, by the way, since I’ve done most of the work) and that everyone struggles to pronounce my chosen name. On the other hand, I’m the host, and that should count for something. But, what if I fuse again some day? Do I change my legal name again? Bah. It’s a mess. What have y’all done about it? Do you identify with your legal name?

    Valley_System replied 1 year, 2 months ago 8 Members · 11 Replies
  • 11 Replies
  • kingslayer

    Member
    December 22, 2022 at 11:07 pm
    Level 5: Froglet

    Our whole system (as far as we know) does not identify with our legal name. A previous host changed it (also for transition), but now none of us really identify with it since that host has since gone fractured a couple of times and is dormant. And most people know us by our unofficial “preferred” name which was the host after that who fractured later into me (Shadow) and Alien.

    For us, I would love to have a “body” name that is comfy or tolerable for most of the system when we’re being covert (which is most of the time). Because hosts are very inconsistent with our system and I don’t think it would be best for the system to change the name to either mine or Alien’s. Plus, we have strange names, lol. But finding that name sounds like a very difficult task so don’t know if we’ll ever do it.

  • ChaoticTroop

    Member
    December 23, 2022 at 11:09 am
    Level 3: Toothed Tadpole

    We still use our legal name but we really don’t identify with it. The name is feminine and our frequent fronter aren’t woman nor feminine. We’re trying to use my name (Alex) when we talk with people that are safe for trans people but… it feels a little weird. I know they don’t connect with my name and it feels weird having my name use especially since I’m not even the first host. We tried thinking of a collective name to use and we wanted to use Trooper since it was a nickname someone gave us for our system but… an alter decided to steal it for themselves. So yeah, we don’t really know what to really do about that. We’re going with my name for now when in safe situation but it still feels somewhat wrong

  • saoirse.t-e-c

    Administrator
    December 23, 2022 at 11:18 am
    Level 7: Prince/Princess

    I don’t think our legal name would bother me as much if we didn’t have someone in the system who claimed it as their own. To me it feels like she gets all the credit for my hard work. Maybe the answer is to come up with a generic legal name for the system as a whole? I don’t know.

  • Shardspace

    Member
    December 23, 2022 at 1:48 pm
    Level 5: Froglet

    For us I think the legal name mostly serves as the character we all play. Sometimes it’s disappointing, like I wish I could just come out and say my name and be myself. But other times it’s like reassurance that we’re still in character. But I could see it feeling a lot different with someone going by that name on the inside also.

  • ConfusedSoup

    Member
    December 26, 2022 at 2:57 am
    Level 5: Froglet

    We despise being called our legal name(fist and last), it’s just a reminder of too many things.

    We plan to change it and held a sort of vote over the corse of like 2 years. We’ve finally settled on what we want, the only thing stoping us now is procrastination, forgetfulness, and anxiety ><

    at home everyone calls us whos out(if they know)

    at work people call us by deadname(untill i get the currage to correct them) and by my name, Jaye(since I’m the one that does the job, we felt it would be easiest, and it makes me happy)

    online its usually whos out, soup, or our chosen name

    We really need to get on the ball with the change, i think for us it will be so helpfull and a relief

  • saoirse.t-e-c

    Administrator
    December 26, 2022 at 2:57 pm
    Level 7: Prince/Princess

    Legal name changes are really easy to get. The hard part is getting everything updated. Driver’s License, Social Security, Passport, Credit Cards & Banking, etc. Nothing super difficult, just time consuming.

    • ConfusedSoup

      Member
      December 26, 2022 at 11:31 pm
      Level 5: Froglet

      yeah, and luckily we’ll have help, so i really need to get on it >< the state we’re in is also one of the easiest to get it done in too

  • TraumatisedUnicorn

    Member
    January 1, 2023 at 2:17 am
    Level 4: Tadpole with Legs

    None of us identify at all with our legal name, hearing ir actually makes us really uncomfortable, but I don’t think we’d ever be able to agree to a name that everyone would be happy with so we kind of just keep the one we hate? It feels like it’d be unfair to have a name some of us were happy with and some of us weren’t, at least we all hate the current legal name equally lol

  • Valley_System

    Member
    May 14, 2023 at 9:06 pm
    Level 3: Toothed Tadpole

    We don’t have anyone in our system who identifies with our legal name. We started to go by my name a few years ago because I started socially transitioning, but since the system was discovered we haven’t really known what to do about a name(s). When I get called our legal name at first it takes me a second to realize they’re referring to me most likely because I’ve dissociated away from that name in some way, but once I realize they’re referring to me it makes me really uncomfortable being called that. I also don’t really like us collectively going by my name because it feels like everyone is grouping us all together as me, I also feel this way as the host with people who don’t know we are a system, but with everyone sharing my name it adds more layers to the issue. And I want to find a shared name for us for my head-mates sake, so that they don’t feel pressured to mask as me.

  • sharon.t-e-c

    Administrator
    May 14, 2023 at 9:22 pm
    Level 5: Froglet

    I guess our legal name being the name of someone in the system bothers some of us, like Saoirse. I don’t really care, but I keep things covert and on the down low most of the time, and it’s almost a comfort that people don’t know it’s really me. I like the idea of a neutral system name, although I have no idea what we’d use. None of us go by our current middle name, so that would probably be the logical choice. It’s Elaine. We could shorten it to “lain” like the anime!

    • Valley_System

      Member
      May 14, 2023 at 9:29 pm
      Level 3: Toothed Tadpole

      We had thought about using our middle name early on, but then a member decided to change their name from Failsafe to our middle name because they wanted a name that wasn’t a description of their role and something they could go by if they wanted to use their name but still be covert.

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