So, we’ve been debating over the last post and whether the section about our brother should be censored. On the one hand, the answer is yes, because we don’t want to be triggering our fellow survivors. On the other hand, this blog has a trigger warning on it, and sometimes you need to let shit out.
It wasn’t just the texts that blew us up; it’s that they just reminded us of Mother’s Day when our Mom decided to take a call from our brother on speakerphone in T-E-C’s home, which is supposed to be our safe space. Hearing his voice in a nice long conversation in our safe space was shitty, and we need to set some boundaries with our Mom. What’s frustrating is she was first told our brother molested us almost 30 years ago, so she should know, right? It seems not.
Sharon, of course, wants to spread rose petals and forgive everyone. And some in our system still think our brother is grand. But me, naaa… I don’t wish him ill anymore, but I want absolutely nothing to do with him, especially in our home. What’s super conflicting about it is that several of us still love and care about the guy.
I’m sure he’d say we have false memories, though. And whoa, ain’t that another grand topic. I mean, we can’t PROVE anything. It all happened almost 40 years ago. All we have for proof is 30+ years of therapy and our DID & CPTSD diagnoses. And honestly, those are likely a lot more to do with our father and grandmother. We kept and carried around a bullet our brother had threatened us with until our 20s because, hey, it was a gift, right, and proof he loved us…. someone, either in the system or our Mom, threw it out at some point. So even that little shred of evidence of the story is gone.
To be fair, a person can change a lot over decades, and maybe my brother is a 100% great guy these days. So maybe not wanting to hear his voice is overreacting. But I think we’ll still have to make a boundary with our Mom.
Anyway, that’s one line that needs to be drawn in the sand. The other line I was thinking about had to do with triggering topics and how much sharing is over-sharing. And honestly, I have no idea where to draw that line. I think I may have drawn it too restrictively in the first two Trigger Warning forums, so I made an Anything Goes one. I don’t recommend reading it; I do recommend writing in it if you need to get something off your chest. Too many of us have been silenced for too long, so there’s now a place where you can talk about literally anything. If people want to use it to talk about their anime collections, that’s fine, but if you have to trauma dump… that’s OK too. Hopefully, I won’t regret this decision.
In an ideal world, people could sound off to their therapist… but not everyone can afford or find a good one. Therapy is a privilege. Being able to get a medical diagnosis is a privilege. Should it be that way? Hell no. Is that the reality? Yes.
I’m not a healthcare provider. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing. This site isn’t meant to replace therapy or doctors. But if you need to talk, it’s here. I’m not going to censor our last post… instead, I’m giving everyone a place to talk censorship-free. Will it be triggering sometimes? Yes, as will this blog. There are other groups out there if you want nothing but butterflies and light. With the cafe, I want to try to thread the needle between fluff and toxic waste.