Welcome to the dissociative cafe! Forums General Chat Any advice on doing “adult things” when managing life with your mental being? Reply To: Any advice on doing “adult things” when managing life with your mental being?

  • Flusterette

    June 21, 2023 at 9:34 am
    Level 5: Froglet

    Pro-/Con- Lists are helpful.

    You can tailor them in many ways for all kinds of applications. They help to balance out logic vs emotion, and thus guide you to making a decision that’s right for you that meets the best of both worlds.

    Sometimes on reflection, my emotional needs are not as important as my logical needs and I make a more wise/mature/balanced decision or compromise that I ultimately am more proud of because it balances the Pros and Cons.

    Sometimes, despite all logic, my emotions are more important and I know I need to follow my heart, but at least I am aware of what to watch out for, and compensate for, to help make following my heart work out to its best.

    Like, I might look at a Con for something I want to do — is it able to be addressed and turned into a Pro (or at least a neutral)?

    In that way, Pro-/Con- Lists are useful for problem solving, checking the facts, coping ahead.

    When struggling psychologically, emotionally and physically, and it’s getting in the way of being able to do what I want, I try to fight the urge to just give up. I try to use the “HALT” Skill where:

    H=Hungry/Hydrated? (pretty self-explanatory)

    A=Angry? (or ‘negatively’ emotional, like sad or depressed)



    — If one of those letters needs attention, I make efforts to reprioritize to address them, and remind myself that such self-care can help make me feel better. Then it’s often easier to return to other tasks.

    The “Just Right” Task/Challenge

    There are days I have little functional capacity. I’m having one of those days today, have been for a few days. Today, I had it in me to maybe not do the big tasks I had hoped for, but several smaller littler easier tasks with little breaks in-between.

    Sometimes that can be: setting a timer for 5 minutes while working on a form that gives me anxiety. And stopping after that 5 minutes to do something else (or rest) for 15mins.

    I might go back in for another 5 minutes. And no matter what happens, at least I’ve tried to do something.

    Writing this was my “Just Right” Task, instead of vacuuming and dusting.

    Yes, being online here is more ‘leisure’ than not, but it afforded me a chance to look at some skills I’ve got lists of, too, and see if I can apply any of them to my issues today, and it made me feel helpful to someone else (you) which improved my self-esteem a bit.

    I was feeling a bit Lonely, so I justified being on here as tending a bit to that need. And now that I’ve done it, I feel more calmed down and ready to try to take on another task.

    Yesterday, I had to give myself a nap (even though I hadn’t done much all day), because I realized everything was ticking me off and I was exhausted. But, then I was able to make myself food, do dishes, and fold laundry. Had I not napped, nothing would’ve happened, or I would’ve rage-tasked (which is not optimal for me).

    Task Bundling / Rewards

    This is because Adulting is annoying sometimes, so you have to find your way to make peace with what you have to do.

    Suppose I want a chocolate. Instead of giving myself the chocolate easy-peasy, why not try to bundle a task in with it to make it a reward, and then feel extra-good about it?

    Like, “I have to get up to get the chocolate. On the way, why don’t I do something I’d rather not do like a chore or task, and make the chocolate the end reward?”

    Or, “I really hate cleaning my room. I’d rather listen to music. Why not put on music and let myself feel uplifted by it, focus a few minutes on letting the music soothe my mood, and then try to do some cleaning while I’m listening to music?”

    Consider looking up “Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Techniques” and “Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Techniques.”

    They won’t always apply, or come to mind automatically, but slowly with more review and practicing using them, your brain will slowly learn to approach things with new techniques in mind that better help you to live your life.

    I recommend them because, in my years of seeking treatment, these seemingly simple and obvious skills have had a huge impact on emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness… and generally have helped make life easier to want to live for.

    The skills have helped me with “reparenting” myself, and with adulting.

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