not going into work today…

Blogs may include sensitive or triggering content. Reader discretion is advised.

We’ve been up since the early a.m. hours. Big surprise, our sleep schedule is messed up. I’ve put my foot down and emailed/chatted in a sick day. We’ve struggled all week, and with Friday off (thank you veterans!), this will give us a four day weekend to try to get back in gear.

And we’re out of gear. Our sleep and switching has been an absolute mess this week. I don’t know where we are on our meds for last night. I don’t think we took all of them, but I have no idea. That’s my fault for not filling up our pill box with each day and night’s pills for the week – it really helps keep track of this stuff. Usually Saoirse is pretty on top of taking the nightly meds, pillbox or no, but Saoirse has been really out of it the past several days. To be fair, I haven’t been that on the ball either. I do know that I’ve put in more time at work this week than Saoirse, which is always a bad sign, since I don’t really know how to play network engineer that well. Mainly I’ve listened to boring meetings.

One of the things that I’ve been thinking about, is at what point do we throw in the towel and go on long term disability? We thankfully have that option through work. Saoirse is absolutely against it, which makes sense, as she’d be lost without a job. It would mean a reduction to about 2/3rds of our current pay, but we get paid well, so that wouldn’t be that much of a hardship – we’d just have to buy fewer coins and laptops. 😉 I’m really waiting to see if another shoe drops with cardiology stuff (we see our new cardiologist next week). I kind of feel like we’re juggling enough health concerns right now, what with breathing, diabetes, and just generally being mentally ill. If there is going to be heart stuff too… I mean, how much can we take?

On the other hand, our boss is totally cool. I had a chat with him where he basically said we shouldn’t be worried about taking time off, because (paraphrase) “you’re a rock star when you’re here, and balanced with the time you’re not here, that still makes you at least an average engineer”. He was encouraged to hear that I’d lost 40 pounds (now almost 50!) since learning about the diabetes. And yeah, our health should hopefully improve as we shed pounds. We are massively overweight, which doesn’t help anything. I still want to lose about another 200 pounds. I wanted to lose 250 total… I guess we’re 1/5th of the way there! Not bad for less than 2 months.

In other news, I’m bringing the idea of a live in helper to the council soon. We’ve hit the emergency room I think 4 times in less than a year? Although we wear a medical alert button that summons help, I think our independence needs to be balanced with, well, staying alive. The trick is finding the right person – it’s not something to rush into. I need to find someone who is compatibly crazy. I really don’t want to have to mask 100% of the time in our own home, so the person will have to be cool with the whole DID thing. The BistroMD diet means we don’t need someone to cook for us, but someone to shop, clean, and watch over us would be ideal. Our mom has been doing great in helping out, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to burn her out, and she obviously can’t stay over all the time. I’m hoping that we can find someone who is willing to trade their service for their own bedroom, bathroom, and all food and utilities. They’d have to be aware that we may not have the longest shelf life. While I don’t plan on dying, its a real possibility. 🙁

Oy! Now that’s a fun thought to leave a post on.

Here, let’s end on this instead…


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1 year ago

Wow! This one says a lot. Glad I will be seeing you this morning. A lot to think about and to talk about. I love you all so very, very mush!!!!!

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