“Nature’s veil”

This image and caption came up on a FB post that was shared in a group I follow. I’m not sure who the photographer is, and I don’t take credit for it. 

I was groggily scrolling my phone while having my morning coffee, and it came up almost immediately in my feed. What struck me was it was just like how I appeared in a dream that preceding night, only it was a black fishnet mesh over my face.

Are dreams ever “Nature’s veil” for you?

I’m trying to open my mind to the concept of the collective unconscious, and the supposed importance of things like:

• symbolism 
• the interpretation of dreams
• synchronicities (vs. mere coincidences)
• archetypes

All that good Jungian stuff. My therapist is quite open to it and encouraging of it, especially as I sometimes have very vivid and curious dreams, and am hyper-rational.

Right now, my dreams are exhaustingly intense. I’m not sure if there’s Fusing happening, but definitely forms of Integration are in process. 

Parts of me are coming through portals into alternate realities. 

There is a common theme of finding a costume and getting ready to play a character or change my outward appearance. Even in waking life, I’ve lately been feeling I can’t identify with my current appearance aesthetic.

My inner world, my pseudo-home city, has played a role again.

There have been themes of needing to sneak around, commit some form of espionage, or being on a mission that puts me in danger.

There seems also to be themes of grief, death. I also dreamt I poisoned myself accidentally, after discovering ground-up dried dead venomous spiders were in some kind of flour or meal that was used in cooking I ate in the dream. Of course, on waking, that brought Mecca to mind, and whatever symbolism that could mean in terms of taking into myself parts of myself and digesting them into me… Perhaps that is an example of a dream reflecting visually an Integration or even a Fusion.

And I find it amusing that if you dream that you urinate (yep, it happened to me recently), a quick Google suggests that among other things, it might be a symbol of: 

“suppressed material coming to light, dissatisfaction in love life, or the need to confront fear or depression. It can also represent personal growth and adaptability to changes. When someone sees themselves or someone else urinating in a dream, it can be a sign of getting rid of things that have been weighing them down for a long time and the need to move on.”

Let’s just say it all resonates. 

But with my physical and psychological symptoms piquing (headaches, worse fatigue, depression, crying, neck tension, back tension, other pain and sensitivities, vivid dreams), I am a bit apprehensive to welcome change. It seems silly…

I’ve felt aimlessly blank and in limbo for almost a year now, and have been aching to feel more ‘whole’ and like I have an identity and drive to live. You’d think I’d be excited. The unknown can be scary. 

In the past, I think I’ve been more welcoming of a budding new sense of Self, purpose, identity, drive, etc. I think this time it is going to be more authentic than ever, and maybe that’s why I feel a bit protective of this inner development in me being perceived by others — perhaps even including of myself, as I can be my own harshest critic. 

Can I peak behind the veil, and lovingly trust and embrace what, or who, I find? And bring it out from behind the veil into my waking life?