A few weeks ago, we had our first instance of a non-excellent participant on Discord. As a result, Discord now has two moderators, and I attempted to clarify the rules by writing the following:
The main rule of the cafe website and Discord is simple – “Be Excellent to Each Other”.
It is not “Be Excellent to each other unless you think someone is faking or didn’t have trauma comparable to yours”.
More about our stance on fake claiming is here – https://www.dissociative.cafe/knowledge-base/how-can-you-tell-if-someone-is-faking/
As for trauma, it’s a very personal, individualized thing. Everyone has a Window of Tolerance – this applies to alters, systems, and singlets. What was highly traumatic for one person might not be for someone else, especially if one party has other non-neurotypical challenges the other does not. That’s EXPECTED and OK.
We’re not here to judge or compare trauma. Points will not be tallied based on the degree of screwed-up-ness of an event or person.
We’re here to be excellent to each other. That means being supportive. That means listening without judgment. That means keeping this a safe space for ALL dissociative folk, OSDD/DID or not.
More simply: Don’t be an asshole and don’t attack other members.
Right now the cafe site itself doesn’t have moderators, only Discord. However, that may change at some point. I’m strongly free-speech and want to let people have their say in the appropriate channels/forums, but will not tolerate members shitting on one another. That’s simply not OK.