Missing Our Cats

We have this scar on our leg from one of our cats at home. 

It’s mostly healed, just slight discoloration. 

(Looking at it made us want to write this).

We said goodbye to our cats when we were leaving for college like it was the last time we were going to see them. 

It’s easy to go through the motions and forget the pain and hurt and grief that exists. 

(Only so much we can do as we wait to get a proper therapist/psychologist hopefully one who understands trauma. *And Dissociative Disorders, as well* The school counselor helps though it is biweekly appointments).

Still can’t cry without volume threat of being overheard, or worse overheard but no one offers any help. 

(Walls are too damn thin, along with the floors and ceilings.)

(And trauma which says “don’t cry with volume.”)

I want to cry, though I find it exhausting. 

We still have to shower, brush hair and teeth, and go to bed. Which is exhausting in of its self.

We want a cat of our own. 

Maybe something dependable with constant affection. 

And who needs us to survive. Even though that part is true for a cat, it sounds twisted. 

Haven’t even brought up an E.S.A. to our counselor or we did and mentioned that we don’t have money to keep one healthy. 

Maybe one day. 

Especially if our campus employment goes well and gets us enough money.

Could also be some grief and longing associated with home. 

“How can we miss that place?” especially because we spent the entire summer trying to get out of that place. 

Sometimes it’s longing for our parents, more so the idea of them. 

They few good moments with all the bad they did (both consciously and unconsciously). 

I want to see our cats. 

But I don’t want to go back to that place. 

Nor do we think that our parents would be pleased if we took the cats with us. 😏