To Catch a Falling Star

There is some not very veiled trauma stuff in here like certain words and actions of sexual connotation. Please skip reading if this is not something you can handle at the present.

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Go and catch a falling star,

Get with child a mandrake root,

Tell me where all past years are,

Or who cleft the devil’s foot,

Teach me to hear mermaids singing

Or to keep off envy’s stinging,

And find

What wind

Serves to advance an honest mind.

If thou be’st born to strange sights,

Things invisible to see,

Ride ten thousand days and nights,

Till age snow white hairs on thee,

Thou, when thou return’st, wilt tell me,

All strange wonders that befell thee,

And swear,

No where

Lives a woman true, and fair.

If thou find’st one, let me know,

Such a pilgrimage were sweet;

Yet do not, I would not go,

Though at next door we might meet;

Though she were true, when you met her,

And last, till you write your letter,

Yet she

Will be

False, ere I come, to two, or three.

(Song/Go and Catch a Falling Star by John Donne)

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I am alone in a room made of stone.

It is cold and damp, as rain beats in through the opening.

Candles flicker in their sconces as the wind and rain meet them.

I shiver

Barefoot, I stride out onto the balcony

The sounds of clinking and clattering fill my ears as I move.

“Where do you think you’re going?”

The voice, so familiar to me now, still startles me.

Its owner steps out from the shadow beside me as if stepping through a doorway.

Though the rain pours, he remains dry as he studies my face.

I feel tension in my jaw as I meet his gaze.

“I had planned on feeling the rain against my feathers, but now I simply wish to jump.”

The man makes almost no reaction to my statement.

There’s a flash in his eyes, though.

Anger.

Anger that his possession would dare think of departing, in any manner.

Cold, wet stone against my back.

My dark wings screaming in protest as they are pinched between me and the wall.

Rough, calloused skin against my throat

It’s difficult to breathe

“It’s a good thing that chain isn’t long enough to give you that ability.”

Our gazes meet

Breathing is nearly impossible.

I don’t stop glaring at him

He will not break me. Not on purpose.

I’m too precious of a treasure

As blackness threatens to steal my vision, oxygen is free to enter my lungs once again.

I fall to the ground, unintentionally gasping as my body begins to stabilize.

The stabilization is interrupted by a sharp kick to my side.

“Worthless w___e.”

His voice is filled with venom, daring me to challenge him.

I stare down at my hands, fingers curled into tightening fists as I determine what to do.

If I am so worthless, why do you chain me? If I’m a w___e, why don’t you pay me? If you don’t want me, why do you cage me? If you DO want me, why do you treat me this way?

Thousands of questions flood my mind in moments.

“What do you want from me?”

This is the question that escapes my lips.

Instead of a verbal reply, the man pulls me to my feet and his left hand finds its way under the skirt of my dress.

“You exist for my pleasure, fallen star. You are mine to own, to possess. You will be in pain, but if you obey me, I will also treat you like a queen.”

This he says to me as he violates me without my consent.

This is what he breathes into my ear as I scream in pain at the things he does to me.

“You are mine”

A star belongs to no-one

Why am I stuck in this hell?

An image floods my mind, of another fallen star.

One who used to help me.

One who I now want to help.

When this shadow, this monster in human skin, is with me, the other fallen star is far away. I think of them and wonder what they might be doing.

One day, could we be together, and the shadow be far away?

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