It is 6.53ish now. Whoops, just turned 6.54.
We work in about an hour.
We’ve already spent 15ish minutes crying.
We don’t want to go to work.
We know we HAVE to, but it feels like the emotional, physical, and mental equivalent to surviving a trap from the Saw franchise right now.
I KNOW it’s better than our old job.
Just about anything would be.
But we just…can’t.
We don’t have any energy.
We have even less in motivation.
The only thing that’s getting us to keep getting ready is everyone in here shoving down EVERYTHING to “divert power to function” at our job.
I hate it.
We need to not only rest but RECHARGE
How, the fuck, are we supposed to do that?
Everything is triggering af.
We also need more sleep.
What’s the priority?
We can’t recharge mentally and emotionally and physically all at once.
I wish we could.
I just…feel like a car that’s running on fumes, and all the dashboard lights are on, but there’s no mechanic anywhere close to fix it.
I hate it.
I’m trying to eat SOMETHING for breakfast, but I keep feeling like I’m going to vomit.
Not because I’m actually sick.
Just because the food makes me nauseated rn.
I hate all of this.
I just want to retreat into a cave and sleep my way into oblivion.
We should probably talk to our therapist about being so suicidal. I know the sleeping into oblivion is more passive, but like…alters have started actually thinking about it again. I think someone even has/had a plan.
We’ve just been shoving that down with everything else too…but that can’t be good either.
I guess Thursday will be interesting. But we have to get to there first.
And I really need to start getting my shit together for work. Especially because it’s cold and I’m going to have to start the car 🙁