Trying not to have a breakdown at work

Blogs may include sensitive or triggering content. Reader discretion is advised.

We’ve only been working at our job for about 3 months… and we’ve already had breakdowns TWICE, resulting in us getting sent home.

These were both due to extremely heavy trauma memories and flashbacks surfacing.

Hoo boy…today is on another level.

1…we already don’t want to exist, so our base level of emotions is already skewed.

2…guess who appeared at our job today! The LOVELY (/sar) people who made our last job so dangerous and bad. They used our discount/rewards thing (they’re “close” family, so unfortunately this is allowed)…but the REAL kicker? It was fairly dead, so our boss was all like “aw, you can go and visit for awhile!”

I know she was just being nice. She knows them as our family. She doesn’t know the rest of everything…and likely won’t until our system feels comfortable in actually cutting ties with them (we are working towards this, but there’s a handful of practical things that we need them at least…pleasant with us for. Hopefully in the next year or so, though 🤞)

This job…while terrifying bc of certain customers who we are scared of recognizing us from before we began any transitioning…has been safe.

Sitting with this “family” of ours…was not.

We were just starting to get into the day’s rhythm, and since they left and we’ve been back on the floor, we’ve been a wreck.

We’ve been dropping things more than usual.

We’ve messed up on making drinks and food for nearly every order…or at least, rung things in wrong and had to correct it.

Yeah…order taking has been the easiest to do, and that’s only because of being able to modify the stuff if we punch it in wrong.

I just want to go home and sleep. Thank everything good in the universe that we don’t work tomorrow

Hopefully d&d tonight won’t continue to be triggering as hell, and that we can maybe try to have some amount of fun…after we take a nap

Ugh. We should just ask to not work the day of d&d. Opening today has just…SUCKED.

But our break is almost over…another 4 and a half ish hours to go. Unless we get sent home early. But I don’t want to count on that.

I really hope our “family” doesn’t stop back in again (they said they might, depending on their other errands)



I hate this

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