*Alana 1* TW – schizophrenia

This is Alana. We are awake at 7:30 am right after Jess’ partner left for work. There is a monster in the wardrobe, right next to the bedroom doorway and I don’t know if I can leave to use the bathroom. Her partner always leaves a light on when he leaves, so that’s helpful, and Desi says it’s just a shadow. But it’s big, and scary, and makes us think of the stepdad, and some exes, and the drunk grandfather, so we don’t know if we want to risk it.

Jess sleeps without clothes on. This annoys us. What if someone sees us? What if someone broke in and hurt us? Too vulnerable. We’re going to risk the other monster, the one in the closet, to put some clothes on. Desi says she will help. As long as Alli doesn’t help, she always goes for the dresses and skirts, and how are we supposed to protect us wearing that?

The voices have been loud anyways. Jess is much better at coping with them. The rest don’t even hear them. We’re envious of that. We wish we knew what it felt like to not be scared all the time. The cat meows – we jump. A car door slams – jump. Voices start up – hide under the blankets. See the monsters – hide under the bed. 

Well, since we’re up and Desi is helping, we’ll try to be brave and get dressed. Get some food because Jess has not been doing a great job with that. We liked the group call in Discord yesterday, but we didn’t hear a whole lot of it. Slept mostly. Anyways, going now.