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stick figures journaling

The Silent One Speaks!

Hi guys. It’s 4 p.m. and I’m out when Saoirse should be working. However, I’ve been playing run around with the CPAP people for the last 2.5 hours, which I guess is part of that “self-care” thing? Bleh. I’ve put on some of Saoirse’s goat sacrificing music, but Saoirse is a no show at the moment, probably because I’m all worked up over CPAP stuff. ANYWAY, that’s not what this post was meant to be about.

I really don’t think our Therapy Guru realizes what a monumental occasion last night was. We have an alter that doesn’t talk. Last night she came out and said a word, “yeah”. Only one word, but considering she’s gone years without saying anything, WOWZERS.

Most of last night’s therapy was dealing with Tso’s (the silent one) fears, and she agreed that no one was trying to hurt us anymore. Which is also kind of major, and she’s kind of stuck in the past. So, being me, I wanted to celebrate. Bad Idea.

I know gummi bears are popular, and we were running low on water and a few other things, so I put in a Doordash order for a bit of 7-Eleven shopping. (Doordash is a delivery service, kind of like pizza delivery, but for all kinds of stuff.) Our doordash profile says we want contactless delivery, which means that they just leave it on the porch, and we get a text & email when its delivered. Occasionally someone will knock quietly once, but usually they just drop it off. Since there was nothing that needed to be frozen or refrigerated in our order, I figured we could just let them deliver while I took a shower, and I’d pick up the stuff off the porch afterwards….

Nope.

I got the one Doordash delivery person who just absolutely wanted to POUND on my door, repeatedly. I was naked in the shower, and I probably did miss his first lighter knocks, but he pounded loud, repeatedly. Finally I turned off the shower, and yelled out a hello, and he yells back (at almost midnight). “DOORDASH HERE TO DROP OFF YOUR ORDER.” They like never do that. So of course I had to yell back to just leave it. Sheesh.

And what’s bad about this? We had just spent over an hour convincing Tso she was safe now, to have some idiot come along and sound like he’s trying to pound down our door while we’re naked and feeling very vulnerable. And, Tso is rarely close to the front, but of course, for this occasion, she was, because after all, I had promised gummi bears. She kind of flipped out, so the next few HOURS were spent calming her down.

Just another wonderful day being a system. I guess I’m a lot “closer” to the kiddos than the other grown ups, so I actually deal with this kind of thing on a semi-regular basis, as looking after the kiddos has kind of always been my job. I’m still really proud of Tso for speaking last night, hopefully she’ll come by therapy again sometime, and I’ll try a different reward.

And, speaking of rewards, I need to figure out non-stuffie (stuffed animal), non-food related rewards for the kiddos. I’m thinking sticker books, maybe? Your comments are welcome!

Anyway, back to the CPAP drama… I had to turn in our CPAP today, because we were out of compliance with our insurance, which says you have 90 days to put in 30 consecutive nights of usage. Note that if you use it for a week, and miss a night, the counter apparently resets. (The CPAP has a cell phone modem in it and phones home). The people at the medical supply company were telling me how I might be able to get an extension, but the 30 days straight thing was the nail in the coffin. I don’t think we do anything 30 days straight, as this graph demonstrates:

So, after driving for 30 minutes, sitting around waiting between talking to 5 people over an hour, and driving home, I went online and bought my own CPAP for roughly $1000. Screw you insurance.

I love my job, and the company is great, but our insurance company is a PAIN. They freak out almost every other time we get a new prescription, requiring prior authorization. Usually because the medication is new and not generic, but with all our medication issues, its likely we’ve tried the generic alternative already and had problems. We’ve been on a laundry list of psychiatric medications longer than my arm over the past 30 years, the majority of which either a) stopped working or b) had reallly, realllllly bad side effects. But its not just crazy meds that my insurance dislikes. This past refill cycle they required authorization for a breathing medication we’ve already been on for months. Like, huh?!

And I’m going to wrap this up now. So, in summary – Tso said a word! Which is a total OMG moment. Our doordash driver last night was a jerk. And I dislike our insurance company. The End. 😉

author avatar
t-e-c
The Electric Circus (t-e-c) is a dissociative system first diagnosed with DID in 1994. View their profile here.

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