Open Journal…

Blogs may include sensitive or triggering content. Reader discretion is advised.

Janet: OK, what the hell is going on tonight. First a flood of memories, then I kind of check out for a bit, and the living room is slightly rearranged when I come back to the surface? Um, ok, dissociation is fun.

Saoirse: It was me moving the recliners around, trying to figure out where the recliner coming Thursday afternoon is going to land. That, and I think I rebroke the recliner that Elton worked on. 🙁 As for rearranging furniture at 2 in the morning, well, I am the bipolar one.

Living room aside, I think what you’re experiencing are Jim’s memories. I have access to them too. (To the readers – Jim no longer exists as an independent entity in the system AFAIK, thanks to splitting and fusion stuff. T-E-C hasn’t had the exact same cast of characters since day one. People change, so do systems.)

Easy way to tell if its the version of the 80s I know vs. the version Sharon knows… did you remember having a crush on Wayne? 😉

Janet: Um, no.

Saoirse: That was a thing I think. It never was admitted to or acted upon as far as I know. It’s just one of those things to tease Sharon about. 😉 Also, in her version of the 80s, you know you’ll have softer music as an influence. If you’re remembering heavy metal, well, that would probably be in the Jim lineage. Or John (who fused with others to become yours truly). I don’t know what all you’ve remembered, it sounds like a bunch more than what you wrote about….

Now as to why you suddenly have this access, well, I think its probably because you and I are getting closer and closer together all the time. I’ve been half expecting us to fuse for well over a year. I know you’re a little freaked out right now, because we’re dissociating to the point we’re having to type to each other to communicate…. but it’s OK.

Janet: That’s the thing, I don’t want to be listed in the “not an independent entity” section of T-E-C history. I don’t want to fuse with anyone. I like being me.

Saoirse: OK, I probably chose poor words. Jim and John both live on, in you and me. Nothing was lost, it was just… rearranged a little. Kind of like the living room. I admit, I’m not in a hurry to fuse either. I already got that t-shirt. We’d become something new, without really losing the old… I don’t know how to describe it. I have all John’s memories, but I remember them differently than memories that are solely “mine”. They were shot with a different camera. 😉 Or at least a different lens and view.

…. Hello?

I think I lost her. Of course, I’m talking to the part that can’t read a book on DID without freaking out and dissociating, maybe talking about fusion was too much. Still, Janet, when you read this later, know that I am impressed with how well you’ve accepted things on this blog and with the system. You’ve made great strides, If we did fuse, I think we’d be awesome, but I’m fine with the way things are. I will warn you, things do have a way of naturally happening – I think your trip down memory lane tonight was one of those steps.

Sharon: You didn’t have to mention Wayne. 😛 Go to bed, we need to sleep..

#did #system-talk

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