Still Here

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Well, I’m still here, still figuring myself out. The main thing that I’ve done is sleep! But I seem to still function on night shift hours. Some things, it seems, never change.

I’m having a weird night with music. Stuff my music player recommends used to usually hit the spot, but tonight I keep having to tell it to skip to the next track. I’m obviously going to have to retrain it.

I logged into WoW Classic briefly, but just couldn’t get into it. I haven’t played in months, so everyone in the guild is way ahead of me. They are getting ready for Tier 6 content, which I beat 15ish years ago. I don’t know that I feel like grinding through it again. Nostalgia is cool, but I don’t know I want to dedicate 10+ hours a week into the game, which is kind of the minimum commitment.

So, my music tastes have changed a bit, my gaming tastes have changed a bit… its really a discovery period for me.

I have also been configuring things on the back end here in T-E-C land. There are no longer separate janets@ and saoirse@ email accounts. They just forward into one. One email account to rule them all. 😉 Well, other folks in T-E-C still have separate accounts, but most day to day stuff went to either Saoirse or Janet. And now to me. I decided to keep the old netgeek@ email account some of you may have, and its now where all my emails will be coming from.

I was feeling Saoirse-ish a bit ago, but then I stepped back and observed all the Janet-ish stuff still there. The main things I notice that are different are my memory and my internal voice. I have full access to both Saoirse’s and Janet’s old memories, even when I’m feeling Saoirse-ish – that’s a change. The other thing I notice is how much quieter it is in my head. There is never a co-con jumble of both Janet and Saoirse talking to each other. There is just me. Well, ok, there are still other members of T-E-C sometimes. but in general things are a lot less chaotic upstairs. I also “sound” different in my head than either Saoirse or Janet.

So, things I’ve figured out: Red is my favorite color. I’m really into Industrial music. I prefer Linux to Windows. (I’m still trying to figure out what to do with computers. Saoirse and Janet each had their own.) My favorite taste so far is chocolate.

Important Things I’m Still Trying to Figure Out –

My gender – I’m somewhere between non-binary and female, but haven’t settled on where exactly. Jes is a non-gendered name for a reason. I think I’m more towards the non-binary, they/them end of the spectrum, but I’m debating if I’m far enough to that side of the force to make explaining it to people all the time worth it. Just picking female, she/her would be a lot easier socially. I’m not uncomfortable in she/her land, so the path of least resistance would be to stay there, I guess. Like I said, still figuring that one out….

My faith – what do I believe? This one is going to take some research and experimentation. Saoirse was mostly Left Hand Path, though didn’t admit to it much. Janet was solidly Right Hand Path. I’m not sure where I fit. I also don’t know what tradition I’ll get the best connection from. Will I be a Pagan? A Jew? I think there are truths and untruths in every religion. Nobody has it quite right, but there is value to be found everywhere. What is my primary goal in life and the afterlife? What am I trying to achieve on a spiritual level? What is “The Point” of my existence? Um. I don’t want it to just be “survival”, which is kind of where it has been.

My political stance – Don’t worry, I’m not about to turn into a Republican. <laugh> But Saoirse and Janet had very different base political ideologies. Saoirse was essentially a disillusioned, cynical anarchist. Janet was more a democratic socialist, ala Bernie Sanders While both are on the left side of the political spectrum, the two have very different ideas about what government’s role should be. Where do I land?

Figuring out who you are isn’t for sissies. 😉 But, I need to take a break… my eyes are starting to have trouble with my laptop screen. Til next time…


#fusion #did

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