As of Friday the 13th, I’m taking a Leave of Absence from work. The official story is that I’m dealing with anxiety, which is VERY true, but what I’m not saying is that the REAL reason I’m taking leave is we’ve been pretty damn switchy the past three weeks or so. I was out to Old Boss about having DID, but New Boss doesn’t know yet. Which is fine, because I think I get a New New Boss tomorrow.
The bad part of all this is that working is one of the main ways I deal with my anxiety. I haven’t been doing that great the past few months, and I was putting in 12+ hour days, 6 or 7 days a week, to run from my problems. They caught up with me, and I haven’t been able to work Day Job reliably since Ellie Cat died. Which actually makes the anxiety worse.
That’s why you’ll see me tinkering on this site – I have to work on SOMETHING, or I’ll go totally batshit. It would be better if I could work on something that actually provided a paycheck, but at this point, I’ll take what I can get. I’ve been too dissociated, anxious, and depressed to do Day Job. And that’s when I’ve been out front! For a good portion of this last week, it’s been other TECies running around.
I don’t know how long this leave of absence is going to last, or if I’ll have a job when I return from it, but hey, I’m really not feeling like I have much of a choice in the matter.
PsyDoc cranked up my Zyprexa a couple of weeks ago, and we discussed the LoA then. He was going to fill out the official paperwork on the 13th, but his computer crashed, which is kind of important since we meet on Zoom. Now I don’t see him again until this coming Friday and I’m stressed about the paperwork getting done in time.
TherapyGuru was against upping the Zyprexa, and thinks I’m just trying to medicate away my feelings. Damn straight I am. 😉 At least the ones that don’t let me sleep and give me anxiety attacks. We’ve been trying to see TherapyGuru 2x a week recently, because of how we’ve been doing, but he has a 40-hour class he has to take this week to keep his license or something or other, and can only meet once. Sigh.
Not sure what the plan is. Zyprexa is being the pain it always is when I’m adjusting it up or down – fully body sweats, chills, nausea, etc. I’ve actually been working to get off it for over a year, going down a little at a time because my withdrawals are so severe. Going back up a notch is depressing, and to be honest, I think its done jack shit for me the past couple of weeks. Which I guess gives a point to TherapyGuru.
In other news, Lord Strider “Big Boy” von Chonk has decided I’m acceptable for snuggling. Anyone else who comes by is NOT acceptable, and he runs and hides. But, he likes sleeping with me and has a good loud rumbly purr. He also snores. As you might guess from his name, he’s a Big Cat. Bone structure wise he’s one of the larger cats I’ve known, and when you add in his weight… well, there is a lot of cat to love. Which is OK, because there is a lot of me to love. 😉
So, I started this blog about 12 hours ago, but it doesn’t look like I ever posted it. 😛 Guess I’ll do that while I can.