Tired

I don’t know why, but waking up today and getting ready for work is a LOT harder to do than most days.

Even on the days where we don’t want to go and are in literal tears over the matter, we tend to be able to feel awake enough.

Maybe the last part of the night, before our alarm,  we were actually sleeping?

I know it’s been really hard to sleep. And then when we feel like we CAN sleep, we don’t really want to, bc it’s when our partner system is around and awake. (Yay ptsd/sar)

We can only really sleep okay when it’s typical “awake” hours, and either when partner system is around (especially around and awake)…or very occasionally when it’s just us in the house (that tends to bring a whole slew of other issues, though…so it’s VERY rarely)

I wish we knew if our one coworker really was picking up the second half of our shift today…if we got done at noon, maybe it would be okay to come back home and take a nap while partner system is around. If we have to work the full shift, we’re not as likely to want to nap, bc it’ll be later in the day, and we work again tomorrow…

All around…I just really want to curl back up and sleep more. But I also feel like that’s all our system has had energy for lately…sleeping. blah.

Maybe just planning to sleep whenever/however our system needs to this afternoon/evening is still smart…absolute worst thing that happens is tomorrow’s shift is rough. And it’s not like today’s isn’t going to be…especially if we do have the whole shift (we’re trying to plan as if we have our whole shift mentally…bc it’s a lot nicer to be happily surprised than extremely disappointed)

…I just really wish our system could spend the whole day with our wife/partner system. Dumb work. Dumb exhaustion. Dumb depression.

I really want to go back to sleep.

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Written by: a ladle-ful of tired brain soup. Aka a dissociated amalgam of fragments