Derealization and Dissociation 

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We’ve been learning just how bad our derealization and dissociation really are recently. Nothing really feels real. We know it’s real, but is it really real? Stuff is real, mostly, while we’re touching or interacting with it (including people), but then immediately stops being real once we stop interacting, or if we sit on something too long. Sometimes we want to reach out and touch stuff to convince ourselves it’s real, but at the same time, we’re scared to because what if it’s not? What if nothing around us is actually real or isn’t what we see things as? And our dissociation is so bad we don’t even think about it most of the time. Or can’t think about it. We can’t think, we can’t focus, we can’t figure anything out. Most of the time when you front, you’re stuck in a room with dark walls and no windows or doors. A friend suggested drawing a circle on the wall to get out, but the ink just disappeared. If we try to look inner world, all we see is blackness. If we try to concentrate to see more or anything like that, we feel like we’re going to pass out or our thoughts just keep drifting. It’s like something is actively stopping us from getting anything. It’s frustrating. And this is how we constantly are. It’s just nothing and emptiness.

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14 days ago

This is…incredibly relatable. A lot of times we’re STILL like this, unless it’s a High Clearance alter

14 days ago

That sucks
Hopefully it’ll get better

14 days ago

I hope your system is able to feel stable/solid/grounded…. Mine too, in all honesty. Our therapist told us that we can’t choose to “just stop” dissociating, but it’s so hard to just exist and enjoy life when we feel like this.

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