Challenges To Be Aware Of And Prepare For

As much as it would be nice to say, “People with DID can function just as well as anyone else,” that’s not the case with any disorder. That’s why it’s called a disorder – it’s going to disrupt your life, and it’s going to cause obstacles and problems that need to be worked around. But can people with DID find ways to live functionally? Absolutely. It’s a process, though, and most people with this disorder are still finding their way through that process. If you’re in the life of someone with DID, there are some things you need to be prepared for.

Amnesia

When you think of amnesia in the context of DID, you think of forgotten traumas, big blackouts, and big dramatic things. However, if you live with someone with this disorder, you may quickly realize that amnesia is quite pervasive, even in the small details of everyday life. This can cause serious problems, and it’s okay if this is a struggle for you. It’s something to take seriously and be prepared for. It’s OK for it to be frustrating – it will affect you. Does this mean it’s okay to blame the person with DID for their amnesia, to get unreasonably angry, or to set ultimatums? No. But you’re not being ableist or a bad person if it affects you.

For example, you might ask a roommate or partner to do a chore, such as washing dishes, before a certain time. Maybe you’re having people over that night. They agree to do it, but then something triggers a switch, and the amnesia between alters keeps the new alter from having any awareness of the previous alter’s agreement. It’s perfectly fair for you to be upset when that evening rolls around, you come home to a sink full of dirty dishes, and people are supposed to arrive in ten minutes. It’s okay to feel disappointed, even betrayed. The current alter, who had no idea what was going on, may also feel defensive and surprised by your reaction.

Remembering that you have amnesia can be difficult. The immediate impulse, even after you know you have DID, is for your brain to want to convince you that you don’t have it. It will be common for a systems’ knee-jerk reaction to be, “No, I didn’t! I never said that! That never happened!’ because their brains don’t want to accept that they have amnesia.

Being Unable To Speak To The Person You’d Like To

This may sound “bad,” but it’s real and something you need to talk about and prepare for. Sometimes, you might be in a tense conversation with someone, have something important to say, require information from them, etc., but some other alter pops up. It can be incredibly frustrating. Sometimes you’re in a situation, especially if you’re someone’s partner or live with them, where you’re not asking for fun or because you “just want to hang out with the other person” but because you urgently need information that the current alter doesn’t have.

Ideally, you’ve communicated with the system ahead of time about how to handle these situations, and you’ve planned accordingly. Sometimes, however, you have to ask for a different alter. Be gentle and acknowledging in your speech, saying, “Hey, I don’t mean to be rude, but I really need to be able to ask _____ something right now. I know there may not be anything you can do, but if there is, that would be really helpful.” Unfortunately, a lot of times, there’s nothing they can do, and again, that’s one of the hard things to prepare for. 

Things To Establish With The System In Your Life

You don’t have to ask all these things the second you learn they’re a system. Take your time, and don’t overwhelm them. However, over time, knowing these things can be very useful in understanding how your system friend wants to be interacted with. Keep in mind that different alters may have different preferences. When you meet them, it’s not a bad idea (again, take your time asking these questions) to get their input on what they prefer when they’re out.

• Should I ask who’s fronting when I interact with you?
• Do you want me to engage with you when you’re triggered or having a flashback, and if so, how can I be most helpful to you in that moment?
• Do you want me to bring up DID when I think it’s relevant to something, or do you want me to never bring it up unless you bring it up first?
• Should I use plural or singular pronouns for you?

Was this article helpful?

2 0

Please Share Your Feedback

How Can We Improve This Article?

Submit