What is it like to have D.I.D.? Imagine chillin’ away one Sunday at home, only to skip forward a few hours, and find that you
1) Have a headache
2) Reallly, reeeeaaaaallllly have to use the bathroom
3) Have a nice WiX site open on your laptop.
So, from the top. The headaches. For whatever reason, I’m often blessed with headaches whenever I “switch”. Imagine having your head opened up and your brain sucked through a straw and then spit back out into your hollow head, which is then sealed shut with a vice. Sometimes they aren’t too bad. Sometimes they are. Today is medium. I can still focus my eyes. Yay.
The bathroom. For many in the system, the least favorite room. Oh why, you ask? Let’s put the sexual abuse aside for another day, it isn’t really my story to tell. Being trans means living your early life being forced to use the “wrong” bathroom. It’s highly uncomfortable, and a constant reminder that things just aren’t right. So, if you’re a prone to dissociation, what do you do to handle this stress? Threeeeee guesses… you leave it for “someone else” to take care of. No shit. lol. Even though we transisitied 26 years ago (we’re physically 46) and no longer have the “wrong bathroom” issue, Janet is just programmed not to notice when she has to go, until the absolute last possible minute. Or even past that minute, given a few accidents… Point being, I don’t have that bit of programming, so I get to have the honored duty of, well, dootie. And I think that about sums up my life. Finally, the PH stuff means getting up and walking to the bathroom from the living room means getting a little out of breath. Breathing. It’s one of those things I plan on still doing in the years to come, even as it gets harder.
So, this nice WiX website. Hm. Actually, I’m really, really impressed. D.I.D. is a really sensitive topic for Janet – probably why she switched out and I’m here now. To publically say “hey, this is me” is a huuuuuge step. And I guess it means I get to come out of the shadows a bit. Dun dun dun.
Most of you probably already know me, you just don’t know you know me. That’s because I try very hard to be “Janet” to the public, to keep up the facade. We all do. We’re good at it. Here’s a nice video about covert vs. overt D.I.D….. guess which bucket we fall into?