Stoned on New Med / Maybe Time to Let Things Go

Blogs may include sensitive or triggering content. Reader discretion is advised.

It’s day two of the new psychiatric med…. and I’m stoned. Not as stoned as day one, but definitely a space cadet. So, what to post on the blog? Well, I had thought of putting up the old circa-2005 Electric Circus site, or at least my part of it, as a Blast From the Past type of thing. Low and behold, the .rar archive containing the site is encrypted. Which means its as good as gone, as I can’t decrypt it, and our passwords are extremely hard to crack. 🙁

The old website is no big loss. However, also in that encrypted .rar archive were letters from 1998 to and from my short-lived girlfriend, Deb. That’s a greater loss, but it’s been 23 years, it’s probably time to let that relationship go.

I have a hard time letting things go.

To my knowledge, Deb never knew about “us”, so maybe it isn’t surprising things didn’t work out, as she was never fully let in. But I think she would have been in time. It was a short relationship – we only actually lived together for a few months, although we had dated before that. When we moved together to Phoenix, I got a job flying out every week to Michigan, where I traveled post office to post office, getting them on the internet. In retrospect, probably not the best job for an early relationship, but it was very early in my career, and I couldn’t afford to be choosey.

I came home one weekend and found that Deb had started sleeping with her ex-girlfriend. I learned this in less than ideal circumstances. My heart broke, and has remained broken ever since. As you can imagine, I already had trust issues BEFORE that relationship, after it, well….. I’ve just never been able to get excited about the prospect of a relationship ever again. I tend to keep everyone at arm’s length now.

Or at least I did keep everyone at arm’s length – with this blog you’re now front and center in the story of my life, dear reader. I guess I just don’t give a shit anymore. Being told you have a serious illness rearranges what you think is important.

Sorry if this post is kind of a downer, I’m too stoned and out of it to come up with a witty joke.

#meds #relationships

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