Late Night Thoughts

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So there is currently an internal debate on whether or not you can change the past by changing how its remembered. It’s kind of one of those tree fell in a forest things – if everyone remembers a past event differently than it happened, did it really happen? Some of us are solidly in the “yes, it happened, and will show up to kick you in the ass at some point” camp – yours truly (Saoirse) included. Others T-E-Csters are more trippy in how they define reality and time. The whole “it’s all an illusion anyway” camp is more in line that if you thoroughly change perceptions of an event, you change its impact on the present and future, which is just as good as changing the past. Hrm.

When different parts have different sets of memories, this is an interesting thing to ponder. It’s made more interesting the more memories become shared between parts. Are we primarily defined by our memories? Is each part just a result of things that happened, or is there something unique and separate from the events of the past… when you get right down to it, if there is a soul, just how many do we have?

(Topics of the soul become even more interesting, because we don’t all follow the same religion, or lack thereof. Exactly how does life after death work in THAT case?)

Are we one person who has alters? Or are we a collective with no central personality the rest broke off from, i.e. – have we always been an “us”?

This is the shit we ponder in the middle of the night.

Janet and I (Saoirse) are kind of flowing in and out of each other again – that’s a hard thing to find the right words for. One of these days it wouldn’t be a surprise to see us fuse, but for now we’re still different, even if we’re co-conscious a lot of the time. Sort of one glass, two separate liquids? Then there are parts that aren’t in the same glass. Heck, some parts are in bowls and plates, and aren’t even liquids.

And we switched. It’s Sharon now.

Oxygen is doing OK, think we’ll stay out of the emergency room. I’m really nervous about Wednesday’s trip down to Seattle. It isn’t so much the test itself, as getting in and out from the test. And, I’m nervous that the test won’t show anything. Yesterday we were in the mid 90s a lot. Today we’re back to low 90s to upper 80s. If we settle down in the mid 80s, yes, I’ll go to the ER. But that’s not the point. Why was oxygen yesterday so much better than today (5-6% higher)? I. Have. No. Idea. If I knew why, than heck, I could do it more often. Now I’m afraid I’ll have a “good” day on Wednesday, they’ll pat me on the back and say “you’re fine”, and they won’t see me on a day when I hit 88% just sitting doing nothing.

Talked to lincare last week, finally… and learned that they sent the results back to my doctor like 2 weeks ago. Have I heard from the doctor? No. I’ll try contacting them again this week, I think maybe they were out on vacation… I hope, I’d hate to think they’re just ignoring the results.

Anyway, its time for bed. G’night all.

#health #breathing #spirituality

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