Spring Semester of College, here we go?

According to the student finance section our spring tuition balance is at $0. 

Which I think that it has been paid for. 

The only real indication is that it mimics the fall semester balance, and the fall semester balance has been paid…

We spent so long thinking through what things might look for us if our tuition does get paid for, that this chance of it being paid for feels unreal and impossible. 

We were imagining what it would be like to race to pack and drive before our parents arrived on campus and sent us home with them. 

Now we have to purchase textbooks and know where our classes are at?

We are still waiting on confirmation from the Financial Aid office to confirm that our tuition has been paid for the spring semester. 

Which doesn’t fully relieve anxieties about if we will actually be able to go to college for the spring semester.

And our parents haven’t updated us that they paid for the tuition. (We haven’t asked them, because we don’t want to interact with them. Though since we sent them the tuition statement when they asked for it, figured that they would inform us if they chose to pay it.)

Though the words of our parental grandmother still linger. “Someday your parents might not pay for your tuition if you keep on behaving like this.” Thought that it would be this semester. But who knows. It could be the next semester or whenever our parents decide to stop paying for tuition. 

If they ever actually decide to stop paying for our tuition, I hope that they do more than taunt us like our paternal grandmother did when we called her. Taunting and keeping us informed about their plans regarding our tuition is not the same thing.

The good is this with this possibility of attending college in the spring semester is that we can accomplish some more of our “adulting” goals. 

Such as meeting with Career Planning to update our resume and find a better paying job than the one at the dining hall. 

Contacting the wellness center about the possibility of getting insurance from them. 

Think that we have more things on our list. 

Though the hope is that we have more ways to be independent from our parents either if we are able to continue to attend college or if our family decides to stop paying for tuition. 

Please don’t be this lack of communication from our parents be another power-play. 

We may not contact them in the way that they want to keep them contacted. But we still inform them of things. 

“You didn’t inform us what classes you are taking in the spring semester. We had to find out from your tuition statement. For that, no more tuition for you.” (Has not been said, though the sentiment is there). 

The only reason why we broke our 9-week no-contact with our parents in the beginning of the fall semester was because of concern for our spring semester. Now it feels like we have to endure another semester of tournament just so that we can still attend college. 

Setting boundaries with them has not improved our relationship with them. Maybe too much to hope for. But it puts blame on us for our actions when we did these actions in the interest of our own well-being. 

Things are so twisted with them. 

Things probably have always been twisted with them. 

Hopefully we get the confirmation that we need soon. In terms of tuition. 

Hopefully we are able to get a better paying job and get our own insurance. 

Gods now we have to worry (again) about grades in terms of maintaining our scholarship.

I want teachers to know about our tuition so that they can be kinder to us about grades. But our case worker knows our situation, and sometimes is on our case about not being a better student. Maybe out of concerns of excessive tardiness or not always optimal grades. 

We are trying. 

Maybe that is why she presses us to do trauma processing so that we have less stress to deal with. Which fair. But may not be the best course of action. 

Adulting and being a college student are two difficult things to deal with. Yet we deal with them because we want to be in a better circumstance. Better than the one that we were given and are in. 

Dependent on our abusive and toxic family. 

I will complain about college, though am grateful for the possibility to still attend college knowing that it is the best circumstance for us at the moment. As we don’t have a well-paying job and don’t have our own insurance. 

I don’t know if college will always be the best circumstance. Or if we will be able to graduate from college. 

Though i don’t know how the future will turn out. Only can hope that we dealt with it as we can. And make choices that do not damage our health and well-being. 

Our parents/family might never change. Hopefully we don’t have to deal with them for much longer, so that they have less of an effect on our life, health, and well-being.

Also: we are taking French. I don’t remember the French we learned in highschool. 

Here’s to hoping that it comes back to the us and/or we find a good (peer) tutor to help us out.

Published in Member Blogs

Responses

  1. Our system didn’t go to college and, while we are able to live pretty comfortably now that we are married, living on our own after the trauma memories started coming back was…taxing, to say the least. I hope that you are able to finish your degree and get into a safer situation. It sounds extremely stressful and even somewhat terrifying right now.

  2. I’m glad that, though it’s a whole other type of stressful, that it sounds like spring semester is a go! Our system hasn’t gone to college (there’s some stuff happening in our state which might allow us to go in the next couple years, though), but from watching our best-friend-system go through undergrad and grad school, the stress of grades and such is…oof.

    I hope y’all are able to get into a better/safer situation. I also know those are just words and don’t do anything to actually help, but all of us in our system are rooting for you!
    -?

    Bonjour! Je m’appelle Noël! (She wanted to say that you’re welcome to talk to her/us. I’m not sure we have the confidence to truly “tutor”, but we’re happy to help as we can!)