Well, I was writing a blog post and I accidentally clicked on a link and lost my work. Everything feels disrupted, and I don’t think I can recreate the mental space that I was in. For now I’ll settle for this.
It’s nice to be fronting again.
It’s nice to be aware of my body again.
I have a lot of trouble relaxing when other people are in the room, even people that I know well and trust. (This is actually what I was writing about. I will likely come back to it when the timing feels right.)
It only took around a year and a half of living in the same house as our partner system for me to feel okay fronting here without hiding. That is a testament to how amazing they are.
Obviously, I fronted on dates, but living with somebody takes more effort. I can work on being myself and being vulnerable for short periods, but constantly, for my entire life? I didn’t realize how hard that was going to be for me.
I didn’t front for a long time because it was all so new to me. The concept of being able to relax in somebody else’s presence without my emotions being ridiculed.
And now…I feel safe.
It is very weird.
Feeling safe makes me feel like something must be wrong. So I have to keep double-checking my emotions, and they keep coming out the same. I feel safe.
Love is weird.
-Moira
I love you, my beautiful wife ❤️🔥And I can’t wait until our next date
-Alexei
It can be hard to allow someone into your life forever and being comfortable with it. Knowing you are safe and loved is a big step to knowing you are healing even if slightly enough that a stranger (now partner) is in your life for good and not being afraid or hiding from them.
I know this was left for my wife, but I think I needed to hear that today too. Thank you
-Alexei
It was left for anyone who needs to hear it.