Social Media Is Not Always A Healthy Place – Protecting Yourself Online
This Community is Built by People Dealing With Mental Illness
This community is made up of people who struggle with mental illness, including all of the creators in the community. It is important to remember that the creators you watch (or read) are dealing with and will be affected by mental illness. They are on a journey just like everyone else, and they are not completely healed – because no one is ever completely healed. Social media is deceptive because people post what they want, when they want, so what you see is highly curated. Even if they do their best to be authentic, it’s not going to be an accurate representation of real life. You’ll have a skewed view of who these creators are, and often that skewed view will make them seem “better” than they are, because people naturally want to share when they’re stable – as they should.
That said, sometimes your favorite creators share things when they’re unstable and shouldn’t be sharing. This may not be clear, though, because the mask of social media is deceptive. It’s easy to be fooled by a smile, a filter, and a familiar face you trust. It’s important to remember that the creators you trust are also struggling and may not always be correct. They’ll make mistakes and may be in the middle of an episode, even if you don’t know it. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to the content you’re getting, not just the face you trust. You need to think for yourself and know that you can disagree with someone even if you’re a “fan” of theirs – which brings us to our next segment – parasocial relationships.
What is a Parasocial Relationship, and Why is it a Particular Issue in Our Community?
A parasocial relationship is when a person imagines having a relationship with someone they don’t know, such as a celebrity or influencer. Parasocial relationships on social media are particularly relevant and dangerous, especially in mental health communities that discuss intimate and serious things like trauma. It’s easy for people to develop parasocial relationships with a creator who talks to them about things that no one has ever talked about before. They feel understood for the first time, as if the creator is speaking directly to them, as if they’re their friend.
Let’s say a creator responds to someone’s comments a few times, interacts with them on live streams a few times, and recognizes their username – maybe even has a little inside joke with them. That person may develop a full parasocial relationship with that creator and think of them as someone they know, even though they don’t. They’re not friends – they’re not a part of that person’s life. The creator knows nothing about them beyond a random username, a profile picture, and what they happen to be commenting on – not what they look like or what they do for a living. But the commenter feels like they know them because all of their mental health content spoke directly to them.
Avoiding parasocial relationships is a responsibility that falls on the shoulders of both the viewer and the creator. Viewers should refrain from obsessing over a creator or getting to that level. The creator should understand that they have power and a level of responsibility, especially when talking about intense, traumatic, and deeply personal things, not to feed into parasocial relationships when talking to a vulnerable audience base.
Understanding That People Make Mistakes (And Not Needing an Apology Video)
It can be very tempting to agree with your favorite creators. We want to support the people we like. But we have to be able to put things aside and look at things critically. People make mistakes and do things that aren’t okay, especially when we’re talking about a community of mentally ill people. It’s okay to acknowledge that.
What’s ethical as a viewer and what’s best for your mental health is to maintain your critical thinking. Don’t just automatically agree because they’re your favorites. Instead, be able to say, “Wow, you know what? They missed the mark there. That wasn’t okay.” or “Wow, I don’t agree with that. That doesn’t make them a bad person. But I don’t think they’re right.”
This doesn’t mean you have to stop looking at their content. People can disagree, people can make mistakes, and people can change. But it is much healthier to think critically and recognize when you disagree. Don’t jump on a bandwagon just because of who they are. They shouldn’t have to make an apology video for you to realize that you shouldn’t have supported their statement in the first place.
Spotting Red Flags
Reminder: Just because you see a red flag doesn’t mean that person is harmful or dangerous. Someone may behave in a way that raises a red flag for you, which may make you more cautious about their particular advice on a topic, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay away from them as a person or think they’re evil. That’s why it’s important to recognize red flags, because you need to know when something is not quite right. Let’s say you eat up everything a creator says (especially one who is mentally ill and will sometimes get things wrong), and they give you mental health and life advice. In that case, you might be getting some bad mental health advice that could have profound and harmful effects.
Recognizing red flags in anyone is an important skill for survivors of trauma and abuse to learn. In most cases, survivors have essentially been “trained” by their abusers to be more easily manipulated and are therefore more susceptible to future manipulation than others. It can be difficult for survivors to recognize red flags, especially when looking at creators who are mentally ill, but who are still put on a pedestal and wield a lot of power. Viewers need to recognize red flags if and when they arise. Here are some tips on how to do that:
- Trust your gut. If something feels off or uncomfortable, pay attention to it.
- Look for inconsistencies. If what someone says doesn’t match their actions, it can be a red flag. For example, if they claim to value honesty but lie to you, or if they claim to support you but regularly put you down or criticize you, these are examples of inconsistent behaviors that could be red flags.
- Watch for controlling behavior. This is a big red flag. Controlling behaviors can include telling you what to wear, trying to control your schedule, or monitoring your communication with others.
- Watch how they treat others. If someone regularly mistreats or disrespects others, that’s a red flag. How someone treats others can be a good indicator of their character.
- Watch for signs of manipulation. It is a red flag if someone is trying to manipulate or guilt you. Manipulative behavior can include playing the victim, using emotional blackmail, or gaslighting.
- Watch how they respond to criticism. If someone becomes defensive or aggressive in the face of criticism, it is a red flag. Healthy people can take constructive criticism and work to improve. If someone reacts with hostility, they may have deeper problems.
Recognizing red flags is essential to protecting yourself and building healthy relationships. By trusting your gut, looking for inconsistencies and signs of controlling behavior, observing how they treat others, watching for signs of manipulation, and observing how they respond to criticism, you can spot potential problems early and make informed decisions about how to proceed. Remember, red flags don’t have to be deal breakers; they’re just warnings for you to look out for – a signal that something there is not quite healthy and may need some work. Recognizing this early on allows you to make an informed decision about whether or not you want to do that work with that person.
Red flags to Look For When Engaging With Mental Health Social Media Creators
- They offer”quick fix” solutions. Mental health is a complex issue, and there are rarely quick fixes. If creators offer simple solutions to complex problems, it could be a sign that they’re oversimplifying the issue or trying to use sensationalism to gain followers or build their brand.
- They encourage you to stop taking medication without consulting your doctor, or they don’t mention (or seem to care about) consulting your doctor. If someone encourages you to stop taking a prescribed mental health medication without consulting your doctor first, it’s an extremely dangerous red flag. Always consult your doctor before making any changes to your medication.
- They claim expertise without credentials. Be wary of anyone who claims to be a mental health expert without formal training or credentials. It’s important to seek advice from qualified professionals. Patients have valuable things to add to the conversation, but it’s important to be clear that this is the point of view they’re coming from – the patient’s point of view, not that of an expert in the field. If they claim expertise and aren’t qualified, that’s a red flag.
- They are promoting unproven treatments or therapies. It is very important to research treatments thoroughly and consult with medical professionals before trying new treatments. These creators may be doing a brand deal or partnership – trying to boost their brand by promoting these treatments – which could be very dangerous.
- They prioritize engagement over real help. Some creators may prioritize likes, engagement, and shares over providing real help to their audience. Be wary of creators who seem more focused on building their social presence than helping their followers with mental health issues.
A General Guide to Online Safety
Of course, every situation and scenario is different, but this is a guideline for online safety.
- Beware of oversharing: Be careful about what you share on social media platforms and with people you meet online. Think twice before sharing things like your location, daily routine, place of work, etc. If someone messages you and starts asking for personal information like this, or immediately asks for information like your age, gender, etc., it could be a red flag.
- Trust your gut: If something about an online friendship feels off or too good to be true, it’s important to take a step back and reevaluate the situation.
- Be selective about online friends: Take your time before considering a stranger online as a personal friend. Do everything you can to verify their identity.
- Use the block feature: If someone makes you feel uncomfortable or you no longer want to communicate with them, block them. If they are abusive, report them.
Developing Online Friendships in a Mental Health/Neurodivergent-Centered Space
Make friends online, but do not let them replace your “IRL” friends.
Finding people who can relate to and understand your experiences is lovely and valuable. Be aware, however, that these friendships can supplant other personal relationships. Online friendships are worthwhile, but it is also incredibly valuable to have friendships with people in person. It can be easy not to invest energy in seeking out these in-person friendships when you find people who understand a part of you that others may not “get”. Remember that spending time with different types of people is important for growth and for feeling comfortable and safe in the world. If you can’t spend time with a friend who may not fully understand what you’re going through, but who loves and supports you, how are you going to go out into the world and feel comfortable around strangers?
Don’t restrict your friendships to people struggling with the same things.
Aside from the online vs. offline issue, it is important to have relationships with people with different life experiences. For example, if you are struggling with a serious mental illness – it can sometimes feel comforting to connect with others who are struggling. But it is a wonderful idea to try to connect with more stable people when possible. Surrounding yourself only with others who are struggling – especially all with the same disorder – is often a recipe for disaster. While support groups can be wonderful, be sure to diversify your support system outside of these groups, and don’t let your friend pool come exclusively from these groups.
Media’s Representation of Overt DID
The ratio is wrong: Feeling like ‘My DID isn’t bad enough/isn’t like all the other DID I see’
It’s incredibly important to remember that not only can the things you see in the media and online often be incredibly exaggerated, but even when people are being genuine on things like social media, the algorithm and the things that people are interested in will naturally amplify the more “controversial” and “attention grabbing”, extreme and overt presentations of a disorder, which is NOT the standard for DID. 93% of DID patients have covert symptoms, and if you don’t present the way you see it presented in the media or online, you are not alone.
It is simply more interesting for Hollywood to show overt presentations because it sells better and tells a more straightforward story that audiences can more easily follow. People online are also more likely to gravitate towards stories and videos that are more “extreme” in their eyes. This, unfortunately, gives DID a more radical view in the public eye and also makes many systems feel like they’re not normal. The average DID patient will not present in the way that most of the representations you see in the media and online do.
It is normal to have one alter front most of the time unless a big trigger comes up. It is normal to have little or no communication. It is normal for things to progress slowly over time. It is normal for your alters to masquerade as you and not have extreme and different presentations. It is normal to see the media around DID and for it to make you feel isolated and alone – many people try to conform to it and it ends up hurting their healing. Remember that the media is media. It’s not real life. The majority of DID cases are in the closet, figuring things out day by day.
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