It is GOOD you made it to two social events this weekend, despite struggling with anxiety, depression, pain and fatigue.
It is OKAY that you were the odd one out much of the time at both events.
It is OKAY that you disliked that feeling/realization of being the odd one out, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t have gone. You would have been missed, and sometimes: showing support trumps personal comfort.
It’s important to try to make and keep your connections. It’s important to (try to) be social.
And: you did have some fun, enjoyable, meaningful moments at both events that made them worth it!!!
Sure, small talk is a pet-peeve. Sure, the events kicked up all kinds of insecurities, from “I’m too fat compared to others,” to “I’m too screwed up compared to others,” to “I have nobody and most everyone here has a partner; there must be something the matter with me.”
But sometimes, being the odd one out is just par for course. The problem is more how I felt about being the odd one out, not the actual fact that there were moments of being the odd one out.
I was welcomed, complimented, included in many ways. And that’s what counts.
Don’t go all ‘black and white’ with this, like it’s suddenly a sign things were all bad just because there were moments you felt like you stood out and were alone.
You cannot only go to events when you feel like you’ll know people there. Not every event is going to find you as the odd one out. And: those moments are natural, and happen to everyone at one time or another. You can’t let your low self-esteem and social anxiety control your life.
Your issues with self-worth are what need real addressing. This is GOOD to discover about yourself. Because now you can address the issue.
You don’t judge others the way you judge yourself.
Being the odd one out isn’t akin to being treated like The Ugly Duckling. Even though your mind wants you to feel that it is. Even though you’ve struggled with feeling different to others your whole life.
It is OKAY to be different. It’s OKAY that some lonely moments detracted from having a completely great time. It’s OKAY that small talk makes you feel worse than if you were just alone already. And feeling alone while with someone is an unfortunately awful feeling. But…
- It DOES NOT mean you’re less than worthy.
- It DOES NOT mean you’re not valued.
- It DOES NOT mean something is inherently wrong/bad about you.
- It DOES NOT mean you shouldn’t go to these rare, infrequent events.
You survived it. Nobody disliked you. The events were a success, and so were you for putting yourself out there.
Things don’t need to be perfect to be worth it. A lack of perfection doesn’t mean there’s a flaw in you that caused it. Separate that insecurity, and deal with it. Because it is stripping life from you when you want to cancel on everything because of your psychological symptoms. Keep on doing your utmost to rise above those symptoms when you can, as best as you can, as often as you can. I mean, the situations don’t come up all that often. So take what you get and make the best of it. You’re alone and an internet-hermit the rest of the time.
Social anxiety, away with you! Self-destructive beliefs, sod off and be gone!