OK, so some of the recent T-E-C blogs have been a little dark. However, I’m happy to report that I kept it together yesterday and worked a full day: no naps, no switching out, just prime-time Saoirse for 9 hours. Today is a company holiday, but I have hope for next week.
I hadn’t worked a full, productive day in almost a month. Part of that was mental health, part physical. We’ve had a lot of breathing problems, but our O2 saturation is back up to “normal” for us. (It’s not great, but we don’t have to wear our supplemental oxygen 24/7, for which I am thankful.) Being depressed sucks. Being depressed when you can’t breathe sucks more. Being depressed and having flashbacks when you can’t breathe is extra bad, and that’s where we’ve been.
Will I start lightly skipping down the road while singing and spreading flowers? I highly doubt it. I think our latest medication adjustment is settling in, though. Our poor brain has undergone many medication tweaks in the last few months. So while I’ll admit to my Psychiatrist next week that I’m still struggling, I will ask that we NOT tweak meds for at least a month. This stinks because we have strong reasons to continue to go down on a med we’re tapering off of… but our brain needs some additional time to settle down into the new neurochemical stew we’re on.
Working with a Psychiatrist is a partnership, and you have every right to say, “No, this is NOT working,” or “OK, this is starting to kick in, but let’s give it a few more weeks.” If they are worth their SSRIs, they’ll listen. If they don’t listen, find one that will. While I generally recommend following a doctor’s advice, at the end of the day, it’s your body, brain, and choice of what to do.
Anyway, I’d like to thank all of you for being there while we navigate some darker times. Sorry if some of the posts were downers, but one of our goals with this blog is to show the full story of life with mental illness – it’s not always that great. And it’s OK to admit that. In fact, I’d like to think it’s important to acknowledge that, so other people out there don’t feel as alone in their own dark times.
Twenty-nine years ago this summer, we were suicidal and ended up as an inpatient in a mental hospital. While life is sometimes hard, I’m thankful we stuck around because life can be truly excellent as well. Never be afraid to get help. It can’t rain all the time… even up here in the Northwestern US. 🙂
I hope things continue on the up-and-up trajectory for you, but don’t feel bad for sharing the dips. We all have ’em, and at least we can empathize with each other.
I feel anxious about starting with a Psychiatrist, despite finally getting one, because I’m worried about the potential need for med changes. I think it’s good you’re self-advocating for a pause on the changes to give your brain a change to adapt a bit more. You know yourself(selves) best.
I’m thankful you stuck around living, too, and I am glad you are seeing some progress in hindsight.